You Want it To Be One Way, But It's The Other
Why You Need to Learn to Flex Your "Self Promotion" Muscle
In HBO’s iconic series “The Wire”, there’s a particular scene that I think about often. The young drug kingpin Marlo Stanfield walks into a convenience store, orders a water, and then steals two candies as the store attendant has their back turned. He does this all right in front of the security guard. This is of course completely unnecessary, as Marlo is a wealthy drug dealer and the candies probably cost fifty cents. But it’s a power play. The security guard confronts him, and Marlo responds “You want it to be one way, but it’s the other.”
There are many parts of society that we wish were one way, but they are the other. People who think this way are often called “idealists.” They are focused on the way things ought to be instead of how they are. This is a noble pursuit, but there are times where we need to “play the game” in order to succeed, as opposed to hoping that the game will change in order to accommodate the way we wish it was.
We witness this constantly in the media and in popular culture. Whether we like it or not, these days it seems that the loudest guy or gal in the room is often the one who gets what they want. Money. Power. Success. There are exceptions of course, but turn on the TV. Stephen A. Smith gets paid more than anyone at ESPN because he screams hot takes at the camera. Never mind that he doesn’t know the Yankees batting order or that he thinks NBA stars are his “close personal friends.” Facts and reality are for the nerds. Or look at Tucker Carlson. The man is a screaming imbecile who has been damaging to American democracy, and……the market has rewarded him handsomely for it.
In the corporate world, being good at your job is flat out not enough. You HAVE to play the game and be self promotional. If you are not your own biggest advocate, don’t expect anyone else to be. Raises and promotions don’t typically appear out of thin air. I always hated corporate politics, but me hating it didn’t make it not exist. People who suck at their job but play the politics (ie, self promotion) part right get promoted and get raises. People who are awesome at their jobs but “don’t want to cause problems” get exactly what they ask for, which in many cases is slow career and wage growth. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. I wish it was one way, but it’s the other.
As for me personally, I was raised in a house where you didn’t “puff your chest out” or brag. You just did. I specifically remember my high school sports career. I was objectively good at baseball. I even won the player of the year for the entire Willamette Valley my senior year. Yet, I can remember getting compliments or having people talk to me about how good I was, and responding with quick anecdotes like “Yea thanks, I’m ok.” It wasn’t that I didn’t have confidence. I knew in my head I was good, but I had just learned from my parents that you don’t talk about yourself.
In the here and now, I’ll hear people say things like “I’m a writer, I just want to write” or “I just make music, I don’t need to talk about it.” That’s fine if you feel that way, but just be prepared to have very few people listen to your music or read your writing. It’s one way, and you wish it was the other way.
In my career as a real estate investor, I began scaling my business pretty seriously in 2020 and have continued through to the present day. I vividly remember a successful investor telling me “You HAVE to let people know what you do. If people don’t know you are doing deals, why would they want to work with you?”
At the time, I was still working in corporate sales, but I knew that long term I wanted to go full time into my real estate business. The first change I made? When people asked me the usual (boring) “what do you do for work?” question, I said “I own a real estate investment company”, instead of saying “I work in aviation sales.” Not gonna lie, it was extremely uncomfortable initially. Shifting your identity is challenging, and the imposter syndrome hits hard the first few times. “Who the hell am I? I OWN a real estate investment company? Do people think I’m full of shit?”
Simply telling people what I did was the first step. Today, I (or my assistant) blast out everything that my company does on social media. I have a business Instagram account. Every single time I buy or sell a piece of real estate it gets sent out on Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn. This initially felt like I was working out a muscle that I had never used before. When I first started doing it, I’d worry what people would think. “Do I look like a douchebag trying to “flex” for social media about the 4-plex I just bought?” Yea, to some people maybe I do. The wonderful part is I don’t care anymore. People can want it to be one way, I know it’s the other. I have to promote myself as part of my business. Deals, connections and investment come your way if you let people know what you are doing.
The reality is, if no one knows what you do you are not going to make connections that are going to further your career. Whether you like it or not, in the age of social media you are a brand. It’s not right or wrong, it just is. You don’t even have to be a blowhard like Stephen A. or Tucker Carlson to improve your career outlook, although it honestly wouldn’t hurt to be. A few weeks ago, I saw one (unnamed) connection of mine on Facebook post a video of himself holding hundred dollar bills up to his ear like he was in a fucking Lil Wayne music video. Don’t be that guy. Or maybe do. Maybe he knows it’s one way, and I just think it’s the other.